The Pharaoh, The Priests and The Popcorn
by Malik Acid
Summary: Maybe it was kind of fortunate that he had lost his memory, maybe if he hadn’t he would have never truly been able to grasp fully the power of the popcorn machine.'


Please fondly welcome the first instalment of The Pharaoh, The Priests and The Popcorn. Just to think this started with a packet of rice cake things Oo… Anyways just enjoy this parody…

Akunadin does not appear in this fiction (Well at least not in this chapter anyway.) coz basically we ain't too fused about him…neither does Shimon…

I disclaim all the Yuugiou cast (Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!)…and Quakers Caramel Snack a Jacks (Oo somehow that doesn't sound right)…And 'Loop' by Maaya Sakamoto (It's her song and the ending theme of TRC, obviously). I was listening and singing to it while writing this.

_Btw, the speeches in italics at the beginning are actual quotes from episode 224 (Japanese)._

**Chapter 1 – The Sacred Popcorn machine…**

"_I lost, Aibou" _Yami looked across at Yuugi as he fell to the ground crying._ "Stand up, how can the victor bow to the loser? If I were you I wouldn't cry…"_

"_I'm a coward" _Yuugi sniffed as Yami placed his hands on the boy's shoulders._ "I always wanted to be as powerful as you…" _They stood up, Yuugi half looking at Yami's face and the floor.

"_You're not a coward. You have courage…courage of tenderness. That's what I can learn from you…Aibou." _Yami smiled_. "You have courage of taking the challenge. That leads me in the right direction."_

"_Mou hitori no boku…"_

"_Don't call me that. I am no longer the other you. You are no one else but who you are. You are Yuugi Mutou. The only Yuugi Mutou in the world."_

_The eye in front of them began to glow._

"_Because the Pharaoh has lost the ceremonial battle, he must return."_ Ishizu began_"His soul has been there 3000 years, now he will be welcomed. Pharaoh, tell the eye your name."_

"_My name is Atem…"_

Everyone gasped in awe as the wall it self began to slide apart reviling a wide shaft of light in which would blind the eyes if one were to look at it directly.

"Mou hitori no boku…" Yuugi began, trying to keep back the tears that filled his large orchid eyes once again. He reached into his pocket for a small shiny phone he had just recently bought. "Here, take this so we can contact each other. Give me a call if anything interesting happens. Okay?"

Atem looked down as Yuugi placed it in his hand. He stared at it for a moment; in doubt as to if it would ever work back at the palace. He clenched the entity tightly in his hand as his gaze caught the shorter boy's.

"Aibou, please may I make a request before I leave…" He smiled.

"Huh?" Yuugi looked straight up into his yami's face.

"The popcorn machine…can I take it?" This surprised everyone, not expecting for the Pharaoh to ask a question like that at such a solemn moment.

"Err…Sure…" Yuugi said as he sweat dropped. He disappeared for a while and about half an hour later everyone turned to see him lugging a huge piece of machinery towards them.

Jonouchi and Honda rushed to aid him as he heaved the object towards the glaring light.

"Thank you, Aibou…" Yami smiled and turned into the light. He walked on with the popcorn machine and the cell phone looking back,he could not see the face of his friends only the blinding radiance of the midday sun. His feet used to the feeling of the hard stone floor fell through the blistering desert sand as he continued, towards the large metropolis he could see on the horizon.

"Pharaoh!" A girl's voice squeaked. "What are you doing all the way out here; with that…err…rather strange looking…camel? And a silver bug? Everyone's been looking for you!" Only one person could come up with an explanation for the weird objects like that.

"Mana!" Yami shouted as she jumped on him, knocking him to the floor. She had a habit of doing that.

A tall shadow lingered over him with an out stretched arm, offering assistance.

"And…Mahaad?"

The priest looked in the direction of the popcorn machine. He was dazed. He had never seen anything like it before.

"Sire, are you ok? Did your…err…camel suddenly grow weak? Did that shiny bug attack you?" Mahaad contradicted his previous thought.

"I'm fine, you don't have to keep worrying about me…" With his friend's help he got back on two feet. "I may need some help taking my 'camel' back with me though"

Atem looked again at the city in the distance and saw a dark silhouette on what seemed to be a horse. The outline wore fluid robes and a tall hat, in one hand was the reigns of his horse, in the other…

"Set…" the pharaoh spoke to himself, watching the figure get closer. Indeed it was the high priest himself.

"Oh Ra, here comes Mr high and Mighty…" Mana mumbled to herself.

"What are you two doing here? I told you…" Set halted to a stop as he took a quick glance at the person by the popcorn machine. "Pharaoh…?" The rod holder jumped off his horse and bowed down before Atem.

…

"So my lord, how exactly does this 'Popping corn' machine work?" Set looked in fascination at the multitude of buttons on the shell of the mechanism, whilst Mahaad conversed with Mana and Shadaa about the 'flipping silver bug'.

"Well you connect the lead to a power source…Hmm…" The king looked around at the different walls in the room but couldn't see any plug sockets anywhere.

"A source of power?" The priest pondered as he looked out side past the balcony. "May I suggest my lord that I ask for one of the gods...?"

"What?" Atem too looked over towards the buildings in the intermediate distance. "We shall give it a try…"

So after calling upon the winged dragon of Ra and connecting it up to the popcorn maker, Atem showed the members of the royal court exactly how it worked.

"You see you put this corn in here, and then you press this, and it makes the corn pop." He turned to see his chief priest with a look of mild shock on his face. The pharaoh knew Set didn't stir easily.

"This is…" The tall-hatted man grabbed a hand fall of corn and stared at it in awe. "Do you realise how powerful this is! We could defeat a whole army with this, but in the wrong hands…" The priest shifted his eyes across the room.

"Set, where are we going to get a power source big enough, one that does not need so much sleep?" Shadaa had a point; the winged dragon was known to be quite lazy and tended to nap for up to nineteen hours a day.

"Yeah and where are we going to get some corn big enough?" Mana added as they all imagined a ten foot high seed towering over the palace.

The room fell silent for a while, everyone obviously dumbfounded.

"Well…" Set began, discarding the popped corn on the floor. "…Mahaad and I shall go and find a way of creating this…this…"

"Popcorn."

"Popping corn, by ourselves without any power…" He side glanced at his unsuspecting colleague.

"Huh?" Mahaad jumped as Set grabbed his arm.

"You know magic, do you not?" Before giving Mahaad any time to answer he dragged him into the next room, ordering threeservants to bring him some corn and some large rocks.

Atem sighed and sat back on his throne. The remaining priests bowed and departed in different directions, Shadaa to the temple and Isis and Karim to the gardens.

The midday sun made the sovereign feel drowsy. It shone though the high window onto his throne causing him to squint. Every time he would find himself dropping off and eventually, sleep got the better of him.

…

Waking up, Atem jumped out of his seat and looked around the silent hall. He decided that he would go find the priests.

The Pharaoh burst through the large golden doors. Initially, upon hearing the noise that almost certainly sounded like the crunching of bones, he presumed that the pallid-haired thief had gotten into his heavily guarded palace, but instead he was shocked to see two of his most trusted ministers and not to mention good friends, sitting cross-legged on a floor covered in corn kernels.

"What in Ra's name are you two doing!"

"We're popping your corn, Your Highness." stated the high priest.

"You're doing what!" Atem staggered. He turned to the other cleric for enlightenment, but he too was deep into crushing the corn until it 'popped' and turned into a fine powder.

"But it does not seem to be working though, my lord." The dignitary with the sennen ring round his neck spoke.

The ruler rested his head in his hand and sighed a deep long sigh, he shouldn't have brought the machine back with him, not if he knew it would cause this much idiocy.

"Look…" He started, but was swiftly interrupted by the arrival of the Priestess. Mahaad and Set quickly rose to their feet wiping the corn off their robes. Atem noticed they never did that for him, although they never really had corn on them, but that was beside the point. It was no secret that the two members of his royal court had been fighting for the tauk bearer's affections ever since they first lay eyes on her.

"The futures bright…" She began. "…not only is Egypt free from any intermediate danger, but me and Priest Karim are going are to be married" She bowed to the monarch and left the room.

Set and Mahaad stood in shock. Their surprise rapidly turned into rage, although the longer haired priest did not show his anger, he knew that he was slowly simmering inside. Where as the blue robed priest had turned completely scarlet in fury and crumpled the piece of papyrus in his pocket in to a ball. It read;

**O my beautiful one,  
I wish I were part of your affairs, like a wife.  
With your hand in mine  
Your love would be returned.  
I implore my heart:  
"If my true love stays away tonight,  
I shall be like someone already  
In the grave.  
Are you not my health and my life?  
****How joyful is your good health  
For the heart that seeks you!**

In confusion and despair the two priests went back to 'popping the corn'.

"If I may get a word in edgeways!" barked the Pharaoh, He'd almost nearly given up on telling them, but it was so frustrating to see their 'primitive' minds working to the best of their ability on something so simple. Being in the 21st century had opened his eyes up to new and fascinating things, which he believed ancient Egyptian brainpower could not comprehend; maybe it was kind of fortunate that he had lost his memory, maybe if he hadn't he would have never truly been able to grasp fully the power of the popcorn machine.

The monarch pondered upon how he would get the explanation to them in the simplest way.

Mahaad and Set still full of wrath towards Karim, pummelled away at the large stone slabs that lined the ground.

Just to emphasize the situation more, the golden doors once again opened revealing Karim caressing Isis in his arms. They skipped through the room, bowed to Atem and made their way out through the other door. The king was relieved to see that someone had actually bothered to make their way through the small door in the corner of the other side of the room. He was fed up of the constant use of the big golden shiny doors, they were just too obvious.

The fact that Isis had just walked through the door in a loving way with Karim, confirmed that what she had said previously was true. Set clenched his fists tightly; he had gone through all that trouble of writing that poem not just in hieratic but in proper glyphs. He completely boiled over causing the corn in his hand to pop.

He jumped, dropping the cloud-like object on the floor. Startled, he aimed the sennen rod at the popcorn.

"Popping corn, within you lurks a dark evil, your ka will be relived of you, and you will live the rest of your days in the dungeons, where you will repent your crimes towards a member of the royal court." Set spoke "You will learn not to attack a priest right here in front of the Pharaoh! You men there! Get me a stone tablet!"

Atem and Mahaad sweat dropped as they watched the priest seal the popcorn's ka onto the huge stone tablet, in which a large image of some popcorn appeared. The king shook his head.

"SET! ENOUGH OF THIS MADNESS! OF COURSE IT POPPED YOU IDIOT! IT'S HEAT THAT MAKES THEM POP! HEAT!" Atem roared, making the rest of the mob jump, he had never shouted like this before. Atem was never the one to loose his cool easily. "Now be a good boy and go to your room." He continued.

Set turned away watery eyed towards the huge shiny gold doors.

"It's been a long day; let us just retire to our rooms, your highness." Shadaa advised.

"Indeed, let's continue this lunacy tomorrow…" And with that Atem let out a big yawn and wondered off to bed.

…

'Twas dawn and tepid smog covered the land like a blanket upon a baby, leading the morning into an uncomfortable feeling of tiredness and irritation. The Pharaoh hung from his balcony, scarcely clothed looking out towards the great sun which caused the oppression.

The city below him began to wake from the night long silence, which had become so uncommon to him. Tablet boys delivered the day's news as they rode down the road on their tall, skinny camels, throwing the slabs at different doorways as they passed. Women seeing their husbands and sons off to work would often affectionately peck them on the cheek as they went.

The king's attention was caught on the row of buildings next to his own palace, the priests' living quarters. He could just see the figures of Set's servants with washing folded in their hands.

Atem watched his ministers arise from their slumbers one by one. First was Set, who had followed his servants outside into his courtyard, looking at the newly washed clothes, he threw them on the floor, clipped the man around the ear and pointed back into the house. He was never satisfied.

Next was Mahaad who seemed to be in some sort of trance, either that or he was extremely tired. The pharaoh watched on curiously as he noticed a hand grab his friend's arm and pull him back inside.

Not to long after that, he saw Isis and Karim at the stone gates. They looked up towards him.

"Pharaoh" Isis called up "Today is an exciting day, my tauk shows me there will be a great chase, upon a dinky donkey and a splendid stallion." She then pointed at the sun. "The sun was not too high in the sky either. Get dressed and be prepared."

The pharaoh changed and ran swiftly down the steep staircase. Half way down he was met by Shadaa, who seemed to be in some shock.

"Your highness! The popping corn…It is gone!"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

This chapter by** Rhiannon** -Powered by the acid-

_Oh the suspense! It kills me…_Yeah, that so totally sucked… XP The poem is copyright of some dude who lived 3000 years ago…Please review…-gets out spork-...Or am I gonna have to make ya? NO FLAMES! Just usefull critisism.I wanna know what needs to improve. **NOT** how crap I am!

Hope you look forward to Sammi-chan's chapter...it should be quite interesting.


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